I'm blessed....

It's late....I should be in bed, especially with an early morning workout planned. But my thoughts are wandering and I'm humbled, amazed, and saddened. The book I mentioned that I'm reading, Last Chance in Texas, has some pretty tough things in it. I'm reading about some of the boys and girls that are spending time at the Giddings State School in TX for crimes they have committed....they are all juveniles. They grew up in homes filled with sexual and physical abuse, drugs, gangs, alcohol, no mom or no dad, or ones that were only drunk and high....horrible childhoods. No normal memories like going to the park, or having a birthday party at the zoo, or family photos or family dinners...nothing. They try beers at 5 and 6 because that is what they see...they try drugs at 8 or 9, because they see that too. Besides, it takes away some of the pain. All they know is abuse, hate, emptiness, pain. So that is what they do. He was fifteen when he shot his girlfriend and killed her. He was twelve when he got caught for dealing drugs. She was sixteen when she strangled her two year old nephew and six month old niece. He was fourteen when he stole his grandparents car and drove two other gang members (who he was trying to gain approval from) by a house where they shot and killed a college student through a window. And that same boy was five when his aunt beat him horribly out of anger then filled a bathtub with scalding hot water and dropped him in. She was just six when her dad started visiting her room every night and molesting her. He was five when his mom took him with her to a party....a man got stabbed, his insides hanging out. His mom never came to comfort him, he sat curled up in a corner until someone else took him home. He was eight when his uncle would chain him to the table all day while he was out drinking and doing drugs. When he came home to find urine on the floor, he beat him.

Ugly and horrible? Yes. And we need to be aware that it is out there. I was raised in a Christian family where I had all those good childhood memories. I had a dad that loved me and a mom that comforted me. I grew up knowing the light, the truth. I've never known the kind of pain and emptiness those kids have known. I was never scared to fall asleep or to wake up. I never questioned that I was loved. Lord why me? Why have I been blessed so much, known so much love, given above and beyond what I deserve...and these children didn't. I'm no better than they are, I didn't deserve a happy life any more than they did. Yet I had it and they didn't. And Lord, I don't ever think I'll ever know the answer to that question. But this is what I do know. I have to tell them. I have to tell them they are loved beyond what they can imagine. That YOU care, YOU love them, YOU created them. Lord show me how to tell them! They are not too ugly or sinful for the BLOOD OF JESUS. Because it washes away ALL sin. All of it...It can take away ALL the emptiness. It can heal ALL the pain.

Oh Lord Jesus, may I never forget who You are and what You have done for me. I am overwhelmed. Lord give me a passion for You, give me a heart like Yours, mold me, break me, show me who You are! I want to be Christ to such a sad and hurting world! I want them to know You and may You use me! Give me boldness and humility...Thank you for saving me, thank you, thank you....

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13