Twenty Weeks - Halfway!

Today marks twenty weeks of pregnancy for me....so happy to be at the halfway point! The "teens" were sounding early and like I had FOREVER still to be pregnant. I wanted to take some 20 week maternity shots and a tropical storm hit Texas so I thought, why not get pictures in the rain!

With pregnancy one of the biggest adjustments for me has been my workouts. I'm used to be able to push myself, whether it was running, swimming, crossfit, cycling....I could kick it and I loved the feeling of being nasty sweaty, completely exhausted, and knowing I'd done my best. I haven't biked since the day I was pregnant because of the risk for crashing. Running hurts and causes contractions now (I guess because my belly is growing so much faster with two...) so that is out. CrossFit I can do some things, modify some moves, and can never push it and get my HR up like I'm used to. Swimming is the only exercise where I feel "normal!" I love swimming and can still do my triathlon workouts I have printed up and in ziplocks in my swim bag :) Using the kickboard, pull buoy, paddles, doing intervals, working on my stroke....can still do it all and I barely feel I'm pregnant! So that is my new favorite exercise! Walking is also good, I can go fast, and often get weird looks by people driving by, haha. Just grateful to be able to do those few things and not be on bedrest yet! What a huge blessing! I'll take every day I can get.

Eating has been MUCH better. No nausea, no heartburn (unless I eat junk or chocolate), and although my appetite has never been huge like most told me it would be, working out helps amp it up and I just try and focus on what the babies need. Right now I'm juicing veggies every morning and making a green salad trying to get more veggies down which are the hardest thing to make myself eat. I average between 120 and 140 grams of protein a day thanks to shakes and meat! Although meat is also SO HARD for me to get down....I'm sick of chicken and have been doing beef lately. My goal is 150g daily so I'm still tweaking my diet trying to reach that.

Some things are uncomfortable....picking things up off the floor, putting on shoes, and sitting for more than a couple hours. My back is starting to hurt so I think soon it'll be time for me to start my chiropractic adjustments. Work has been fine so far although I'm normally pretty tired that night and the next day. But I'm still able to do full 12hr shifts and will continue to do them as long as I can get away with it! The babies move all the time which I love! My precious little girl is the most active and her brother is catching up (he's lower so I think I'm just now feeling him more since he is getting bigger and therefore moving up). Today I felt them on the outside for the first time! Hopefully Mark will get a chance to feel them kicking when I visit him this weekend.

We are pretty set on our little girls first name but still deciding on a middle name. The boy's name is growing on me...it's different and Mark likes it and I'm liking it more every day :) Not completely sure on his middle name. We still have time!

Most of all I'm just unbelievably grateful for being able to experience twenty weeks of pregnancy....wow, what an amazing gift. Way more than I ever deserved! Thanking Jesus for every day with my precious little ones. And thanking Him also for an amazing husband and daddy who loves all three of us unconditionally! Love that man. And love my babies :)

Training Area

Last weekend when I went to visit Mark I got to see Medina AFB which is a smaller training base just right across the street from Lackland. Mark takes a bus over to Lackland AFB for some training as well as to go to the commissary (grocery store on base) and BX (base exchange).

Running to the bus stop to go back to Medina AFB. The PJs run everywhere no matter what!

Waiting at the bus stop. I wasn't allowed to drive him between bases. Hopefully next visit he'll get off base privileges!

Looking at the bus schedule and Mark and I together on Sunday! You can kind of see my baby bump which is growing fast. Mark said he could tell a difference in just one week! :)

This was one of the first things you see when pulling into Medina AFB.

The chow hall where Mark eats all his meals. It's just right across the street from his dorm.

Awesome helicopter and plane right by Mark's training area.

Mark's training building! On the right you can see the ropes they climb up (there is a bell at the top and they have some special routine they do, but I can't remember what it is!)

So just wanted to post those to give a little glimpse of Mark's life :)

Sometimes it's ok

Yesterday was my 26th birthday....so very different from the year before. At twenty-five we were still in our first little house on Augusta, Mark was a firefighter, I was a nurse, we wanted kids at some point soon, but no particular deadline, and there was no discussion about the military. Twenty-six is completely different, not in a bad way at all, but overwhelmingly different. New house, twins on the way, Mark gone two and a half months already, a move out of state in our near future, I still hold my job as a nurse but have added to that list mother and military wife. If you'd told me all that a year ago I'm not sure I'd believe you....

Wednesday morning I woke up with a bit of self-pity. We always spent my birthday together, went out to dinner, or just hung out together. This year I knew I'd get a phone call and that was it. But wait, why am I thinking that way? That's it? But I DO get that. I get to hear his voice, know he's ok, hear him say "I love you," know he is just 5 hours away. That's more than a lot of people get.

It's all about attitude. I decided I could go through my twenty-sixth birthday wallowing in self-pity that I don't get to spend the day with my husband OR I can look back over the past year, over the past 25 years and be completely overwhelmed by God's blessing. A husband who loves me, a strong marriage, two precious babies on the way, a great house, a job I love, an exciting future, fabulous support from family and friends, and twenty years of knowing my Savior. Wow. In a matter of minutes there was a smile on my face....what a great day it was to thank God for His many blessings.

And although an attitude of joy and thankfulness is vitally important there are always points of "weakness" I guess you could say. But at times that weakness is ok, or rather, that vulnerability, that depth of love for one person. Tonight after talking to him the tears just came. Week after week of not sleeping in the same bed, hugging him every day, kissing him morning and night and whenever I want, him not being there to talk to, to laugh with. It's hard, just no way around that. But sitting here with tears running down my cheeks, it made me realize that its ok to miss him and ok to cry. I'm not giving in to self-pity or choosing to be ungrateful for God's blessing. No. I just love deeply, that is all. I just understand more completely the precious gift God gives in marriage. As Mark's wife, supporting him is what God has called me to do, and I couldn't be more proud of my man. I respect him and love him with my whole heart. I wouldn't change a thing. He is doing what God has called him to do, and I support that man one hundred percent. But some days it's ok to just want him home. Because some days it's ok to love in that way. Tomorrow I'll be strong again.


"You lift me up, Holy One, Holy One
When I but come, You're enough, You're enough
You fill me up with Your love, with Your love
To You I run Holy One...."

"Holy One" by Rush of Fools

Keeping it Simple

Often I write in my head what I'd like to record, to perhaps post on here, to explain where I am spiritually and what is happening in our lives. But then it seems to stack up, the thoughts, the details....it becomes mass confusion in my head and I give up not wanting to mentally process my thoughts to get them on paper or typed out. It just seems too overwhelming! So I've decided it doesn't have to all be recorded or recorded how I'd like....I don't have to go through every thought, emotion, and lesson learned (or being learned!). Perfection is not required. So there you go :) Giving up on that "perfect, deep, well recorded blog post" and going for the real life. The simple thoughts, but yet still getting out what is in my head. Still getting things typed that I want to look back on and remember.

Mark encouraged me in this with a comment he made this past weekend. He read the last update I'd sent out about him and said how well written it was. "I was really impressed! You could write a book!" I was surprised since I've never thought of my writing skills as good and since he's never mentioned anything about it before. So I thought, "Well, since he thinks its good and interesting to read then why not pursue it a little more and keep up on my blog!" And with twins on the way and Mark going through Pararescue training, I'd like some of this time recorded. So there is my explanation for jumping back in the blogging world.

August 28th and 29th (Saturday and Sunday) I was able to drive down and see Mark for a second weekend in a row! The intense training starts on Monday, and he was definitely "in the zone," focused, and ready for Monday to be here. I was amazed by his determination, his mental grit, his do or die attitude. Of course I knew he was strong physically and mentally, but he was way beyond what I expected. It makes me just swell up with pride for him when I think about all he's accomplished and what he is setting out to do. I still stop and am amazing at what an awesome husband I have....I've loved every second of being married to him, even the rough times, because I just never realized how close you can become emotionally, physically, and spiritually to one person. And now to have two little ones on the way....the blessing is overwhelming and every time I stop to think about it, tears come to my eyes. A wretched sinner like me, deserving not a single breath or second of life, and yet God has washed me clean and given me way above all that I could ask or imagine!

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

This weekend was full of preparation for Mark's training (which started at 0330 this morning!) so we ran errands, got supplies, prepared his gear....it was so neat to see all that. To help him prepare and to see his new dorm, the training area, a small glimpse into this new phase.

Mark sent me this photo of his new room (I can't go in the dorm). There are three guys to a room and its way nicer than his basic training accomodations of course! 

Saturday afternoon, the PJs practicing some water confidence before training starts on Monday. Mark is across the pool, sitting on the edge with his hands on his hips. (cell phone photos aren't the best quality, but I was already the odd one out being pregnant at a military pool so the last thing I was going to do was pull out my Nikon D40! haha) 

Left to right: Marzilli, Driggers, Schnell, and Snyder (this guy is Mark's roommate). All three of these guys were in Mark's flight at basic training. They had to cut out the stencils and stencil their names on their training shirts. Those shirts and shorts (or a speedo for swimming) are what they wear a lot of training days. They will also have training in their ABUs (camo).

This is Mark's "radio." They give each guy a rock (about the size of Mark's fist) and they can write whatever they want on it. They have to keep it with them at all times (like they would their radio once they are out of training). Mark's added more to his "radio" now....the "Jolly Green feet" have a story behind them. From Wikipedia, "Many pararescuemen tattoo green footprints on their body. This tradition arose during the Vietnam War, at which point in time the most commonly used helicopter was the H-3 Sea King, nicknamed the Jolly Green Giant due to its enormous size and olive drab exterior. Members of the 40th Aerospace Rescue and Recover Squadron, stationed at Nakhon Phanom Royal Thai Navy Base, were the first to receive such tattoos on their buttocks in 1971." That is of course a quick explanation, but it you google it you can read the whole story. There are green feet painted in different places all over Lackland AFB, although you wouldn't notice them unless you were looking. Whenever the guys run past them (and they never run over them) they yell "Hooyah green feet!" It's a really respected symbol.

I have more photos, but no time to post....maybe a good post for tomorrow :) 

Seventh Generation

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Seventh Generation

Spring is coming!

This was our backyard when a foot of snow fell.....today it looks completely different out there and I see spring coming! Green, sunlight, flowers, warm air.....I love it.

Looking back at old blogs (my xanga...wow, so long ago!) it was neat to read where I was, where God had me, how I put situations and feelings into words. I miss that in a way. Being honest and getting it out, not putting up a shell of "perfection" but being real, asking hard questions, facing hard things. 

I feel like an all-out war has been going on inside me lately....trying so hard but getting shoved down. It's such a weird time in my life right now I just can't even describe it. What do I do, what do I say, who should I confront, who should I just love, how can I forgive, and will I ever forget? Those questions burn in my mind daily. And the one answer I always come back to? Jesus Christ.

Cling to Him, spend time with Him by praying, reading the Word, clinging to Truth. THAT is what's important, THAT is where I will find peace, answers to my questions, love for those it is hard to love, forgiveness for wrongs long past that I wish I could just push back in their face, true joy that will carry me through every day good or bad, and contentment with what God has allowed in my life. It sounds simple. So hard to do. But it IS the answer. He is my everything.

Cool Photo

Mark did a duathlon out at Texas Motor Speedway last week. Despite a flat tire on the bike he did great! Ran two 5:44 miles and two 6:05 miles. He rocks. I decided to watch instead of doing it....got some great photos! This one is my favorite. I love how the background is blurred, how the runners are in focus, but their feet are blurred, the water on the pavement, I just love it :)