Warning...read at your own risk...

I just arrived home from working my third night in a row. Seeing as how I downed a Starbucks double espresso at 2am to keep my head up, I'm still very much awake. AND since I had such a wonderful night, I decided to share a story with you...get ready...

It started out great, 3 patients not 4, not too difficult, it was going to be a good night. And it was...until 2130 when I learned I was getting an ER admit. Med-surg was full and since this pt had some complications "down there" we got her on our women's floor. Oh joy. Jennifer and Gwen pitched in and helped with the paper work and multiple other things (I'd still be at the hospital if they hadn't!) and I figured it'd be ok. It wasn't awful, but pretty dang close. And lets just say, this is why I am not a med-surg nurse. But praise God for the nurses that are! They are angels!

Without violating HIPPA laws, lets just say that this pt had MULTIPLE complications and was morbidly obese. I'm surprised she didn't code on me. So, after doing my initial assessment, getting her settled, and doing some paperwork, I went in her room to give some meds. Earlier she had been given a turkey box b/c she requested a snack (sandwich, juice, crackers....and a plastic knife to spread the mayo) So I walk in, and remember how I said she had complications "down there"? Well, she has a knee propped up and is itching "down there" with her plastic knife...yes this is a true story. As I walk in she proceeds to talk to me and continues her scratching...on her back, under her breasts...all with the same knife. She apologizes that I caught her scratching "down there." I replied with a weak, "Well, if it itches you've got to scratch it!" I couldn't decide whether I needed to throw up or laugh.

Walking back to the nurses station I shared my lovely story and we all lost it...the laugh helped break the stress of getting 7 admits in one night. What do you say to the pt?? "Um, I'm sorry, may I have your knife? No, I don't want to touch your knife...uhhh....how about I get you two knives? One for above the waist and one for below. Or maybe just some lotion...and when can you have your next Benadryl..." Lesson learned? Just watch where you're itching...and what you are itching with...

Sorry for those of you who see this as too crude...just don't go into nursing :) Those kind of pts is what nursing school is all about.

It reminded me of some ER experiences. I miss the adrenaline of ER and there is still a part of me that wants to go back...adrenalin junkie, I know. But last night brought back memories of some of the not too fun ER shifts. Like the pt who had an infection on her abdomen that ate away at her skin and another infection in her vagina...the infections tunneled underneath and met. You could literally put your hand in her vagina and see it through her abdominal wound. And lets just say, urine did not come out where it was suppose to. The stench was nauseating and could be smelled over the entire Trauma section of ER. Peppermint oil and masks were used in abundance that night. Or the pt that got multiple enemas and that I stood by helping and removing compacted feces from her behind...eat your prunes. Or the pt that I scrubbed dried vomit off of her entire body. I much prefer heart attacks, head wounds, gunshot wounds, broken bones, cut off fingers and toes...the more "typical" ER pts.

Well, I'm sure by the end of this post you'll think I'm a crude, uncaring nurse....but believe me, there are so many times I have hurt for a pt, cried with them, ached for them. Let's just say that I've learned more and felt more than I ever thought possible...and I love what I do.

My next post will be better...promise :) My good nursing stories just didn't seem to go along with these above stories, so we'll save that for another post. Now for some sleep....I think that espresso is wearing off...