Our crazy, wonderful LIFE

Yesterday afternoon I took Mom Driggers to the airport....I cry every time I drop someone off to go home and that day was no different. She was such a wonderful help to us! Cooking, cleaning, babysitting, helping me get projects done, watching kids so I could run errands and Mark and I could go on dates. She read to the twins, sang to them, swam with them, played with them, loved on them....what a awesome ten days we had!

Grandmommy and the twins right before we left for the airport.

So now it's back to reality....Mark is working some crazy shifts right now and happens to be in the middle of a 48hr fire station shift. Last night went ok and after the kids went to sleep I just relaxed and didn't do much - I was sooo tired!

Today was the first day back on my own....overall it went ok, but I'll have to admit things got a little crazy. First of all, the news of the day is that BOTH twins are crawling. Yes, my barely six month olds are all over the house! Aksil does a scoot/army crawl but is quite speedy at it and Avery is even faster (she does your typical "up on all fours" crawl). So this mama hen has lost a few feathers chasing after kiddos and grabbing electrical wires or the bottom of a nasty shoe out of their mouths. Our favorite saying around here is "no, no." Maybe I should have it inscribed on the furniture as a constant reminder. Ah yes, that sounds nice. 

Oh, did I forget to mention that Avery is pulling up?? Why yes, crawling is way too boring so after only a couple weeks at it she decided to move on to the next big thing - pulling up. On everything. Couch, coffee table, TV table, bouncy seats, me, toy box, carseats, bean bag....anything and everything. This girl is full of spunk and energy! So yes....I take back the comment about losing a few feathers. I think I'm bald.

This morning I did CrossFit. SO PUMPED to be back doing that again! The babies did great. Hung out in their carseats most of the time watching us do bench presses and pull ups. The couple that runs the gym are awesome and I'm so excited to be getting plugged in with the CF group here. 

We also visited Mark at the station this afternoon! Even though he works 48hr shifts, its nice that we can go hang out. As we were leaving the house to go see him, he text me that they'd gotten a call for a wreck (roll over) so it might be awhile.  We ended up passing it on our way to the station.

Crazy angle because I was driving and not paying attention to where my camera was pointed. Mark's ambulance is the red one on the far left.

Avery: "Oh Daddy, you do really cool stuff! Brother, look at the big, red fire truck!"

I think this was the fourth time we'd been to visit Mark. I just had to snap some pictures! Especially since this is the kids first few times to be around a fire truck!

The fire stations in Albuquerque have ambulances (unlike Fort Worth), so since Mark is in paramedic training he has rotations at the hospital as well as shifts at the fire station. This is the ambulance he's on!

We had such a great time hanging out, talking, letting the babies play. I brought a mat to put on the floor so they could play and they were pretty good about staying on it, but Aksil would kick his feet on the mat and it'd move and he'd end up kicking the floor.

Hmmmm.....nice. But no worries. I was planning on giving them baths anyway when we got home.

Left: Dirty little feet! Right: I just love my little family sooo much! I treasure every day I have with them.

So after hanging out at the station, it was back home for dinner, baths, and bedtime. Ax decided to get a little reading in too. Pretty sure he wants to be like Daddy!

"I'm A Fire Officer" is his favorite book.

"Hey Mom, can you help me sound this word out?"

"Are you sure it doesn't go this way?"

"Oh yeah....no, this is better...."

Dinner was pretty uneventful except for some crying because the twins hadn't gotten good naps with all the running around. I'm still nursing them 6x a day but we are adding in more solids! We started adding things in about two weeks ago and its going great. Tonight they had pureed chicken (with a little unrefined sea salt) and pears. Yum-o!

Then it was on to baths. Ah yes. Me in all my brilliance thought it would be a fabulous idea to bath the twins in the kitchen sink. Why, I could just bring all their stuff down here and save a few trips up and down the stairs! My quads are super, super sore after doing a million squat cleans on Monday so it sounded like a great idea. Note to self: NOT a great idea.

So I started out by taking off diapers/clothers, of course, but I couldn't put one baby in the sink and leave them so I could undress the other, so I set little Avery on the kitchen floor, naked. While I was getting Aksil ready she peed and crawled all in it. Oh. Thank you. I quick plugged the sink, started the water and put the babies in. There were a few tears since they were so tired, but they soon thought it was great fun. 

Aksil loves splashing so you can just make note that I am now a wet, bald mama hen. Oh, and did I mention I forgot their little washclothes? Ah, no worries, I'll just grab a stained rag from above the washer to use :-/ Perfect.

I accidentally let the water get too deep but couldn't drain it because their foam sponges were in the way. So I'm washing babies (slippery soap hands) and Avery decides to stick her whole face in and inhale at least 1/2 cup of water. She looks at me with this face like "what did I just do" and doesn't breath. Ok, not a big deal....but then she keeps not breathing and I start to get a little worried. So I put Aksil on the counter top and stand in front so he doesn't slide off, grab Avery with my slippery hands and put her in the head down position that you are suppose to use on infants who are choking and gave her a few hard pats on the back. At first I thought I was kinda dumb for doing it since she was only choking on water, but it worked great! She caught her breath and since she was pretty clean, down on the floor she went so I could finish washing Aksil. I put her on her towel (why yes, of course my kitchen floor is spotless) but she starting whining/crying and crawling around.

"Uh Mom. There is a piece of dried food stuck on my side of the sink. Not evening kidding. I cannot take a bath in this."

Yes, crawling around. Oh wait! There is pee on the floor! So I quick grab a kitchen towel and throw it on the pee to soak it up (don't judge me). I quick finish washing Aksil and wrap him up and put him on the dining room floor. We definitely skip lotion and the babies get dried, diapered, and jammies on.

"Hey brother, do you have dried food on your side??"

"Hey move your leg. Oh you do have dried food on this side! Gross!"

"hmmmm....what do you think it is??"

Left: Avery was not happy at this point!

So once they were ready for bed I put Aksil in his bouncy seat in front of Baby Einstein (thank goodness for Baby Einstein!!) so I could take Avery upstairs to nurse her and put her down. Then it was back down to get Aksil, nurse him, and put him down....

"Sis, your ok. I'll make it all better!"

So yes, that was our day. And as I finish this, both babies have decided to wake up crying! Poor Avery is a little stopped up from the water she gulped down :( That's it for now....

Sure do love my babies and awesome husband!!

Follow up....

So I reread my previous blog post, as I often do, and thought it deserved a follow up. My blog can be my vent, especially when Mark is gone so much and I'm alone. I'll type stuff I'd never open up to someone and share (funny I know since the tons of people read a blog! I'm weird....) So yes, those were my honest, deep down, had to type out to make sense thoughts. So many people responded and encouraged me that I was pretty shocked. I got so many messages and comments of support. You guys are really awesome - thank you. Made my day and I felt way better just knowing so many others struggle with some of the same things. I'm not alone in this!!!

BUT I also wanted to say that once I reread my blog later that day I thought it came across a little harsh. It sounded like I was saying moms with only one baby have a cake walk life with no struggles and that they should never complain. Yeah, not. Yes, one seems way easier in my mind, but I KNOW one can be so challenging! A friend commented, "Every woman I compare myself to has her own struggles, fears, burdens, feelings of inadequacy... but I rarely see her battles. Instead I see her pretty face, her perfectly behaved children, her magazine-worthy home, and the list goes on" Yes every woman has her own struggles and battles, whether she has one, two, three, or more children! Any woman who is a mom has my utmost respect and admiration.

There was also another area of comparison that I really struggle with that I didn't address. The moms who I think have it all together and "how can I be so scattered??" I do compare myself to moms with one baby thinking, "oh my gosh, life must be easy for them" but I so often I compare myself to moms of twins, triplets, or more than one kid and think "how do they do it? In that picture their floor is so clean. Wow their house is well decorated. They really look great. Oh they took their kids to go do THAT? Man, I must be a dump of a mom!" and the thoughts can run crazy....So destructive! It's like an ugly disease that infiltrates my mind.

So how do you battle it? Scripture. Truth. Powerful, pure, wonderful Scripture. If my heart, attitude, and mind are full of ugliness then it will come out in my actions. It's not a maybe, it's a definite. It affects me, it affects my husband, it affects my children.

The battle will always be there. But how I fight determines whether I win or lose.

Discouraged....

I'll have to admit I'm feeling discouraged this morning. The culprit? Comparison. Ugly, wretched word...just typing it makes me want to puke. But yes, that is it. This morning I saw a photo of a twin mommy who was breastfeeding both her babies right after birth. That caused a few tears. God, why didn't I get that? I did everything right! Worked out, tried to stay positive, ate huge amounts of protein and all sorts of healthy things for my babies, did it all with my husband away in intense military training, moving at 35 weeks pregnant with the worst PUPPS rash you can imagine, moved in with my parents, and labored for several hours before Mark even got there....Who could deserve a perfect delivery more than me? (so my prideful flesh thinks) I haven't had huge struggles with how the twins delivery went and was just so grateful to have two healthy babies, to not have had a c-section or pain medication, to be able to breastfeed both together eventually, for Aksil being healthy after his few days in the NICU. Yes, lots to be grateful for, but the "whys" seem to be hitting today. I LOVED being at the birthing center for Aksil's delivery. So calm, peaceful, perfect. But I have to come back to the fact that everything went exactly how God planned it. And that is ultimately what I want. He was so obvious in it all....Praise Jesus!

So back to my ugly word. Another thing that has me discouraged this morning is comparison with other moms, moms who have it easier it seems. I live away from everyone I know, my husband works 48hr shifts and nights, when he's home he's sleeping, he's gone almost every evening. I'm pretty much all on my own (or it often feels that way.) I'm suppose to cook, clean, shop, change diapers, nurse twins 6x/day, read baby books, have a close relationship with God, keep up with birthdays/anniversaries/special occasions back home, pay bills, organize, decorate, play with the kids, workout, and eat healthy? That's when I think of those moms who only have one baby, who's husbands have normal jobs or even stay at home jobs, who live close to help or have multiple babysitter options. How is life not easy for you people?? How can one baby even be hard?? Yes, these are honestly the thoughts that run through my head, I'm sorry to admit. And yet I know people out there look at me and think "gosh, she sure has it easy....what is there to complain about?" The truth? Yes, I AM blessed....TWINS, wow! "Children are a blessing!" and I love, love, love having two. I've never ever wished we only had one. I have a fabulous husband who loves me and helps whenever possible. He works hard and I never have to worry about having enough money for food, bills, or things we need. He is an amazing provider. We have a beautiful home and supportive family who flies out to help me. In fact, my wonderful mother-in-law flies in tonight. God, Your timing is amazing. Yes, in so many ways I do have it easy. I am so blessed.

Comparison is an ugly word. Lord, forgive me!

Four (and a half) Month Photos!

The end of May I headed to Texas to visit our families. Faith (Mark's sister) flew up to help me pack and drive back - yay! So here are some four month pictures that she helped me take.

It's not easy getting two babies to look at the camera!

"Hey Mommy, can we go play now!"

Not a great angle, but I wanted to get a few full length shots and Avery has the cutest little giggly smile!

Aksil is trying to chew on Avery's hand while Avery has some awesome drool going on!

"Super woman!!!"

"Uh sis...."

"Brother! I think I see monsters!"

"Yup, sure sis...I'll kill them with my stare."

Avery's expressions always make me laugh!!

So out of the 58 pictures we took, this is the only one that is decent and where they are both looking! Yeah, not easy getting pictures of two! Happy four months sweet babies!

Photo Shoot! (4 months old)

Ok, so remember Liz Bartlow came for a few days? Well, she offered to take pictures of me and the twins! SO NICE! She was like, "Hey if you want you and the twins can dress up and we can do a photo shoot! I know you get lots of pictures of them but you probably don't have many pictures of YOU and them!" Yup, she was right on! So here are some of my favorites from the photo shoot we did. The kids are just a couple days past four months old in these pictures.

My two wonderful blessings!

Love the blue, blue New Mexico sky!

Here are a few shots of me and my Little Man. 

I think Aksil is looking at the mountains and contemplating life, haha. He's my serious, calm guy, but he also LOVES to talk! He'll just go on and on making the loudest baby noises! Love it.

I love you Aksil Alexander!

And here are a few of me and my baby girl!

It is SUCH fun to have a little girl. She wiggly, wild, and into everything! Definitely has a lot of spunk.

Kisses for my Itty Bitty. She got her Daddy's blue eyes *smile*

I think I'm a *little* more excited than they are! 

And that's it! Happy four months babies! And THANK YOU to Liz for taking these photos! So special to have :)

Randoms Photos From May

Almost every day we take pictures of the twins....seems like there is always something new they are doing or something funny that we want to capture. So here ya go - a random collection of pictures from the month of May!

My two bright-eyed happy babies in their jammies! 

"Good morning, Mommy!" I love these little smiling, laughing kiddos!

"Hey Mom, come watch this movie! It's awesome!"

Left: Avery intently watching something...probably a Mavs game :) Right: We went in to get the babies one morning only to find Avery had rolled over! I figured she was close to it so we had slowly started to wean the babies off their swaddles (which is the reason why they are both "swaddled" with their arms out! We started with one arm out then both...)

Avery started to suck her thumb more (which I guess some parents don't like but since she self soothes way better now, I'm all for it!) Here she is snuggled up next to Daddy on the bean bag holding her little blanket bunny.

His official nickname is Chunker and you can see why! (looks like I was overdue on clipping his fingernails too! oops...) So grateful to have such a big healthy boy!

So I went through and organized all the kids clothes - I packed up the 0-3 months sizes! Wow! I can't believe it! Are my twins really that big already? Big enough that I have to pack up entire stacks of clothes that don't fit them? Reminds me to enjoy EVERY moment with them. 

Mark and Aksil having some man time. I love this picture. He's the best Dad ever.

"Huh? You talking to me?" Mark had propped Aksil up on the nursing pillow I use for the twins and he looked so cute! haha

So Wal-Mart has this full length mirrors for $5! The kids love it and I needed one anyway. And yes, Avery is still in her pjs and a LOT of the pictures are with them in the pjs or only a diaper....this mama is trying but some days getting them dressed just doesn't happen!

"Brother! Look at all those toys up there!"

Here is Avery in Aksil's bouncy seat....she was just beginning how to reach out with both hands and grab toys - so cute!

Left: For awhile Avery was completely fascinated by the little duck toy. It has bells inside that jingle and she loved it! Right: Mark bringing the babies down for their 7am feed before he heads out!

Aksil's eyes are starting to get darker!

The way Mark has his hand behind Avery's ears makes her look like a little elf! hehe - cute girly. See that box sitting by our front door? Those are the kids diapers that came in the mail - thank you Amazon! We go through 75-85 diapers a week so having them arrive on our doorstep is awesome!

And that's it for the random May photos! Bye everyone!